31 Obnoxiously Accurate Reasons Why Your Back, Neck, and Shoulders Need a Massage

For the last 13 years I have touched over 7,000 bodies….. and I see similar patterns over and over again. Although I believe in humor when describing anything to my guests, friends, and family, All of the following reasons I take seriously. Enjoy!

1) You’re on your feet all day.
2) You sit at a computer all day.
3) You’re an athlete.
4) You’re a professional couch potato.
5) You drive a car. Perhaps you leave your wallet in your pocket.
6) You don’t stretch unless you just woke up and are yawning
7) You don’t squat to use the restroom, eat, or tell stories by the fire.
8) Your bones are misaligned due to tight muscles or your muscles are tight due to misaligned bones.
9) You have a serious medical condition.
10) You carry a toddler.
11) You suffer from nerve impingement.
12) You slept weird and no one, not even the doctor can tell you why your neck feels like sharp death!
13) You’re dehydrated. Perhaps from lack of sleep but more commonly lack of water intake. Your kidneys get angry, so does your muscles, joints, connective tissues.
14) You’re exhausted, stressed and have emotional baggage like the rest of us. You probably haven’t had a good cry since 1995, either. Its possible your job sucks, your family makes you cry, and your ex cheated on you, owe’s you money and stole your dog.
15) Your job description doesn’t match the reality of all you do unsure emoticon
16) You naturally have high anxiety and depression without the aforementioned circumstances.
17) Chakras, bro! Your chakras might be misaligned and your energy flow is all whack! (From any and all reasons, google it!)
18) You may have a monthly menstrual cycle.
19) You are moving and no one told you that hiring movers is worth it.
20) You’re pregnant.
21) Your belly and / or breasts are heavy.
22) Your ex texted you …and they miss your heavy breasts, even though they cheated on you and owe you money and stole your dog. unsure emoticon
23) You have knots or adhesions from any of the aforementioned reasons.
24) You have tight fascia from any of the aforementioned reasons
25) You did something stupid or unintentional outside of your norm.
26) No one told you after the age of 21 everything hurts and you have to take responsibility for your body and nutrition and you might opt for pain killers which might actually be killing you over time anyway.
27) You don’t know what its like to stabbed by my elbow, thumb, knee, toes, or heels into your scalenes, trapezius, rhomboids, quadratus lumborum, sternocleidomastoid, occipital muscles, jaw muscles, Tensor Fascia Lata, gluteus maximus, gluteus medius, piriformis, hamstrings, quads, calves feet, latissimus dorsi…lets not forget all of your butt, groin, armpit, ribs and other stuff I don’t have the energy to write.
28) I repeat, you haven’t cried since 1995. Maybe you need a hug. Like, a REALLY good loving one.
29) Your feet might be flat or have too much arch.
30) You don’t get put it in your monthly budget to pay for anything YOU really need.
31) You don’t come see me enough! Duh!
Yeah, I think that about covers it.

What can be done about all this? Here’s a quick list to get you on your way to having a better life experience in your body:

a) Get a monthly passive self care treatment. Whether it be massage or acupuncture, etc, everyone has different needs. Twice a week to once a year, a monthly massage , for example, is relatively cost efficient and functional because you can easily plan for it regularly. Even if it is only half an hour, its SOMETHING. I have guests that I see for two hours, once a week, and it is STILL doesn’t seem like enough. For others, a 30 minute quick pick me up for maintenance and they feel like a million bucks. I have a special client to plans for 3 w hours massages once a year, all in the same week. `1Its all relative. Just be honest with yourself about your lifestyle, your financial commitments, and work up to it if you need to.

b) Get Physical! Excercise is very much stressed in our culture for a list of reasons. Cardiovascular strength, flexibility training, and strengthening muscle groups is vital. Especially after the age of 35 to prevent Osteoporosis amongst other long term issues.

c) Hydrate! Most North Americans are chronically dehydrated. This should probably be listed as the first of the things that needs to be changed. Drinking about a gallon a day Lowers blood pressure by dropping water weight, minimizing inflammation, and makes your digestive system happier…. all the fluid in your body helps all your systems be well functioning. We even forget that without proper hydration, we are prone to more exhaustion, and lack of support in the spine. -The disks between your vertebrae in a sense, absorb fluid and maintain support between your bones, which helps avoid disc problems.

d) Nutrition. Without the proper nutrients, antioxidants, omega-3 fats your body will become acidic which affects the health of every system inside you. Muscles, skin, and organs react very heavily to this.

e) streeeeetch! Stretching is good for the fascia muscle casing flexibility, muscle flexibility, and is also helpful in chakra realignment by opening energy blockages. Yoga and Thai Massage , for example are very helpful for this.

I hope this article was helpful as much as a crack up! If you have any comments or anything you feel I might have left out, or anything of the sort, feel free to email me. christi@urbankneadsmassage.com

Hope to be serving you soon!

Christina Acosta CMT